Bristol Palin Quits Dancing With the Stars

LOS ANGELES- Fans of the popular ABC show Dancing with the Stars were shocked to learn of Bristol Palin’s decision to quit the show earlier today. Palin had been a finalist for tonight’s showdown and was widely expected to do well, but has elected to let her understudy go on in her stead.

“I just felt like there were other opportunities for me out there” explained Palin to a scrum of baffled press outside the ABC studios. “There will be some that say ‘hey you couldn’t stand the pressure and you’re just quitting’, but nothing could be further from the truth” she said in a prepared statement.

“Everyone has been saying to go on and finish the last show, but that’s the same conventional go-with-the-flow thinking that holds us back from our true potential. People that know me know that besides faith and family there is nothing more important to me than my public persona. And that is a persona that needs to be shared with the world, not locked down with one television show with all its meaningless awards ceremonies and residuals contracts.

I want to thank you, the people I’ve entertained. It’s for you my partner and I have worked tirelessly to put on the best show possible. Whether it was our spirited Cha-Cha, or our uplifting foxtrot, our accomplishments speak for themselves. Our routines took back dance from the elites who would have you accept what they say dancing is. We fought back against the heavy hand of Big Dance, and gave voice to the voiceless. While the media did its best to portray me as a talentless opportunist, riding on the attention-grabbing coattails of her self-righteous, jingoistic mother, many of you, those who love your country, said NO!

My choice is to take a stand and effect change in the world of televised competitive dance. I know that people may not understand my decision right now, but they need to know that I am doing this for all the right reasons. I firmly believe dance will be made stronger as a result of the leadership decision I’m making right now. Thank you and God Bless America!”