NEW YORK- Legendary illusionist David Blaine announced today that he is training for his most grueling and controversial endurance ordeal yet- to be publicly horsewhipped 500 times while riding a unicycle.
Blaine says he has been training himself for months, working on his balance as well as developing a resistance to the excruciating pain sure to come from having one's back flayed open like a gutted trout.
“It's been a dream of mine since I was a boy,” Blaine said in a press statement. “To see if I could do it. It is proving to be my most ambitious challenge yet.”
The magician says he has so far been unable to get accustomed to the swift blows of the birch switch used to whip his back raw. He seldom makes it more than fifty blows before weeping for his trainer to stop. “It takes some getting used to, hopefully I can scar up in time. My physicians tell me the nerve endings may just die before then so that would be helpful.”
Besides toughening up his skin, Mr. Blaine must also master the art of unicycling which he admitted as being “just a gimmick, really”.
Always pushing the envelope, the magician says he may be ready for an even more daring stunt soon after. “It's still in the planning stages, but I'm seriously considering being shot through the heart and undergoing an emergency transplant." All televised live of course. "I have faith in my team of surgeons, and we are basically waiting for the right donor to become available. There's a waiting list for viable hearts, and I wouldn't want to jump the line.”
Mr. Blaine hopes to bring attention to the need for more organ donors, particularly those being blood type A-negative.
this is bs
ReplyDeleteBrilliant comment. For future reference to the author, satire is lost on the stupid. Perhaps that should be the title of your next blog post.
ReplyDeleteI heard it in a dream. Did you stop to consider I might be a mystic?
ReplyDeleteGlad to see the unicycle has made a comeback.
ReplyDelete