GM Headquarters Stripped, Sold for Parts

DETROIT- Hundreds of fans, souvenir hunters and desperate looters descended on GM headquarters in downtown Detroit today. While their backgrounds were varied, their goal was the same: bring home a piece of history. And maybe make a few bucks.

Like the fate of so many of its automotive products over the years, the headquarters building was dismantled in record time while the remaining employees watched helplessly, some even joining in the free-for-all. One well dressed participant wishing only to be identified as 'Rick W.' showed off a marble sink he removed from an executive washroom. “Italian” he smiled, patting the fixture.

At one point in the afternoon police arrived to chase away the crowd, which quickly scurried into nearby alleys and buildings. “Once they see a building in a condition like this, they'll have it stripped clean down to the frame in no time” said Sergeant Elwood Barnes of the DPD. Sure enough once the squad cars departed, the participants emerged from the shadows and continued their labor.

First to go were logo items easily sold on the souvenir market, such as the front doors and conference room signs. Next went the office equipment, leather chairs, artwork, even coffee makers. Anything that could be carried was soon streaming out the front gate. Once the easily pilfered items were gone, the scrap hunters moved in. Many brought their own tools, and the sound of portable generators could even be heard echoing from within as they tore at the walls for copper wiring and piping. In a few short hours, entire floors were exposed as windows were torn from their casings for the valuable aluminum channels.

By nightfall even the emblematic GM building logo that for years had commanded a view from hundreds of feet above Jefferson Avenue was disassembled and spirited away by a team of what was rumored to be professionals, given the logistical difficulties involved. With thousands of experienced mechanics and engineers laid off throughout the city, such skills are readily available. The sign could likely fetch tens of thousands of dollars from collectors or museums.

Newly elected Mayor Bing said it “was a crying shame”, watching the mob tear apart what most consider the symbol of the Motor City. He then excused himself to help his assistant stuff what appeared to be a projector screen and an industrial-grade cafeteria food mixer into their city vehicle, ironically a Chevy Suburban.