Qadaffi Blames Libyan Uprising on 1987 Film 'Ishtar'

TRIPOLI- Speaking from an undisclosed bunker somewhere in Tripoli, Libyan leader Muammar Qadaffi issued a stern "final warning" to protesters, and blamed the continued uprising on the 1987 film Ishtar.

Defiant to the end, the beleagured despot has steadfastly refused to accept any fault with his regime for the revolt that currently grips the north African country. The leader had already produced a litany of suspected sources of the turmoil, previously blaming foreign agents, al Qaeda, and even hallucinogenic drugs before finally deciding on the poorly received film starring Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman. In the film, the characters become involved in a madcap scheme involving the overthrow of a north African government.

"This can hardly be a coincidence" the Colonel decreed. "There is no other explanation for the way in which our people have been misled! This film was meticulously created by the wicked Zionists of Columbia Pictures and distributed by the CIA, with the sole purpose of arousing the public into a frenzy. And that they have done!" he shouted, pounding his fist on his lectern. "Our peaceful and prosperous nation will not be fooled by such provocations."

Though first appearing in American theaters more than twenty years earlier, the film has only just recently been reaching wide release on VHS at the various bazaars and electronics shops throughout the desert nation.

"Hoffman is huge in Libya right now," says New York Times culture analyst Bob Shaw. "He's like Levis in 1980's Soviet Union". Shaw pointed out that Libyan culture, like that in many other Middle Eastern nations, often first experiences and embraces pop culture years after being introduced in the West. This was further evidenced by the wide proliferation of "Miami Vice" t-shirts seen being worn by numerous protesters.

On Thursday, squads of black-masked mercenaries were tasked by Qadaffi with searching "each and every house" for copies of the renegade movie. "Anyone caught spreading such filth and depravity will be dealt with in the harshest manner!" he warned.

Anonymous sources report the Colonel had pleaded for days with his advisors for more ideas on who or what was at fault for the nation's continued uprising. Suggestions that have remained tabled, for now, are rumored to include electric razors, the Comcast acquisition of NBC, the defeat of Ken Jenkins by the Watson supercomputer, and changes in the migratory patterns of African swallows.