WASHINGTON- Rush Limbaugh on Tuesday lambasted newly sworn-in President Obama's performance thus far. The political pundit and self-anointed king of conservative talk radio, Limbaugh dismissed the first crucial 100 minutes of Obama's presidency as totally wasted.“We've got terrorists at our doorstep, the economy in steep decline, and what does he do his first two and a half hours? I'll tell you what he did. He watched parades. He shook hands. He attended a fancy luncheon and enjoyed some ballroom dancing. Hell, you were hard pressed to find him not being lauded with music or waving to his brainwashed zombies at some point all day!”
Limbaugh went on to complain about the President's tie, the First Lady's choice of dress and the order in which the Cabinet was seated. “Seating the Secretary of Defense behind the Secretary of Interior? See people, this is what I meant when I told you our little friend here is soft on defense. This is an obvious snub to all righteous men in uniform! He wouldn't know a First Sergeant from a Sergeant at Arms.”
After spending another hour ridiculing topics ranging from the Obama children's puppy to the choice of entertainment for the Inaugural Balls, the talk show host embarked on an even darker and more controversial tack. “And I hate to say it folks, hate to be the one to make scary predictions, but has anyone looked at the Dow today? Since the Chosen One took office at noon, it's tanked more than 130 points! Not to be alarmist folks, but at that rate, and given my rough calculations, the Dow Jones Industrial should reach zero within just 12 weeks.”
After trying to reassure his listeners that they most likely have several months before the Apocalypse swallows them and their families whole into a whirlpool of fire, Limbaugh spent the remainder of his show waxing poetic about his childhood, his own mortality, and how much he would miss boating, cigars, and OxyContin.
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