BANGKOK- After a harrowing two month ordeal, The Snowed In Bunker is pleased to report that its star reporter and founder Eric Soyke was finally rescued from a North Korean prison camp earlier this week. The daring pre-dawn operation was the culmination of extensive preparation and training by none other than Roger Clinton, half brother to the former President. Mr. Soyke is believed to have been spirited away by agents of the hermit kingdom due to a story he penned in July. Deemed to be guilty of publishing slander “insulting and demeaning” to the nation's leader Kim Jong Il, Mr. Soyke was sentenced to 13 years of hard labor.
Following weeks of intense diplomacy which would ultimately prove fruitless, the operation was given the go ahead to send in Clinton. State department officials deny reports that Mr. Clinton was considered expendable, but freely admitted Mr. Soyke was considered as such.
“Despite our concern for all US citizens and the outrageous behavior of the DPRK in carrying out his abduction” said State Department spokesman Arne Mularky, “frankly we've gone over the so-called 'reporting' being done at his website and didn't feel his return warranted a full effort on the part of this department.”
Clinton says he was first made aware of the situation at a dinner party with his sister in law, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Describing himself as a longtime fan of the site http://www.snowedinbunker.com/, (Roger) Clinton immediately volunteered for any potential rescue mission.
“Bill had already pretty much blew his wad with the TV chicks” said Clinton, referring to the ex-President's negotiated release of two reporters in August. “I wanted to make sure noone thought he was the only fella with any pull in our family.”
Despite the severity of the reported conditions he has been kept in since July, Mr. Soyke appeared in prime health at a news conference in Thailand. Nursing a number of hickies he refused to explain, Mr. Soyke sipped coffee as he warmed himself in a Mandarin Oriental Hotel bathrobe. Commenting on the bold action of Mr. Clinton, he told of the remarkable way in which his unlikely savior charmed border guards with a bottle of smuggled Chinese rice wine and jokes he had rehearsed in their native tongue.
“Roger was smooth at the Dandong river crossing. And who knew he was so good at Kung Fu? I owe him my life.”
Mr. Soyke grew visibly annoyed at the suggestion that he had been on sabbatical all this time, and that the entire escapade had been an elaborate hoax to cover a summer of sloth. He shortly afterward called an end to the meeting, thanking everyone involved in his repatriation. “Now if you'll excuse us gentlemen, Mr. Clinton and I have a mini bar to raid.”
