Devil Reportedly Satisfied with McCain Deal

ST PAUL- A beaming Satan told reporters over the weekend how happy he was with his recent deal with Arizona Senator and presumptive Republican Presidential nominee John McCain.

On Friday, the world learned of Senator McCain's pick for running mate, conservative Alaska governor Sarah Palin. The Prince of Darkness concedes he not only knew of the deal weeks earlier, but that he himself had a hand in its forging.

“I met John outside a cocktail party in Savanna, Georgia one evening” told the evil one. “I recall he was restless and anxious, but it was more than just the weight of the nomination. I've seen that look before. I asked him what was wrong and he lamented about his choice.”

For weeks speculation over McCain's choice in running mate had been the subject of intensifying public and private debate, with the Senator coming under pressure from a range of special interest groups as well as his own advisers.

Over the course of a few drinks overlooking the resplendent garden of an RNC supporter, the Devil knew he had not only captured John's rapt attention, but that his soul was not far behind.

“'My friend,' Johnnie asked me 'where can I go to find someone my base will approve of, someone with strong pro-life credibility, an undying love of guns?'”

“'Maybe even someone die-hard Hillary supporters can use as an excuse?' I added to his delighted agreement.” He told me he had searched 'the very wilds of this land' from each of her great coasts, and was prepared to do just about anything to find him.”

“'Or her' I teased, removing my favorite black pen from its black case in my black jacket pocket” he went on. “It's the same one I acquired Michael Phelps with.”

At first McCain balked at the offer, said Old Scratch. But few in the Senator's unenviable position could withstand the honey-dipped tongue of Mephistopheles in full blossom, while enjoying Johnny Walker Blue from a beautiful veranda pungent with the fragrances of orange, jasmine and just the slightest hint of sulfur. "The setting was perfect for the seduction of a soul", likely not an accident given the Dark One's penchant for details. Noting the weakness in McCain's eyes, the Great Tempter went in for the kill, hinting that Obama's first act would be to lower the national speed limit. Then he dug out the keys to his Corvette and pretended to walk away, leaving John to “mull things over”.

With a twinkle in his eyes, Lucifer told how John stopped him, then bravely puffed up his chest, closed his watering eyes and said to himself “For my country”, before taking the doomed pen in hand and inscribing his name in gold upon the lambskin scroll. John bravely didn't flinch as his finger was pricked to seal the deal in his own blood.

Beelzebub then took his new servant's hand in his and the two flew off into the night, heading northwest through the mist toward the great Klondike and beyond.

“And the real beauty of the whole thing?” the dark one laughed, “I'll only need to wait another year to collect.” Quickly realizing his faux pas, the Devil soberly apologized for the revelation and asked those in attendance to “please not tell John.”

So satisfied was the fallen angel with the transaction, he threw in the guitar lessons for free.